I started the Tao Of Bachelorhood based in part on observations of many other guys, in social situations and one-on-one conversations. What tends to happen to many of these guys is that they get their priorities ass-backwards: the figure that if they can get a girlfriend, everything else will fall in place for them. They’ll get into a groove in their lives, chuck this craphole job that’s eating their lives one day at a time and start taking things forward. But right now they’re consumed with women (often “this one special woman,” but we’ll talk about that later).
And nowadays there is no end to the number of guys who will help you with that magic bullet to help you meet and sex up a chick STAT. For only $39.95 (if a book), $149 (if a DVD/study program) or $500 to $2000 and up (if a “workshop”). And they’ll give you plenty of ammunition – but that ammo is more like BBs than bullets.
That’s not to say that these “pickup” techniques don’t sometimes work. But what even the good “gurus” don’t tell you up-front is that the real purpose of all those lines, “peacocking” and body language is to change you. To remake you as someone the guru himself understands, so that you can then successfully replicate what he does. Mystery wants to make you Mystery, because he knows what he should do in every situation.
The inherent problem with this – and if you’ve read The Game by Neil “Style” Strauss, he covers it very well – is that it results in a lot of guys who have no idea who they are: they’re clones of their guru. Ready to defend him to the death, because any flaw in their guru is a flaw in themselves. And a lot of the guys who get caught up in the “seduction community” do so happily, because a lot of us don’t have full, rounded lives and in the “community,” well, we have friends who understand what we’re going through. Or so we think.
Couple this with the kind of personality dysfunction that a lot of these gurus suffer from, and you’ve got a recipe for the kind of destruction that is well-chronicled in Strauss’ book. I was actually in communication with many of the personalities featured during the time when those events took place, so I can say that Strauss did not have to exaggerate much for dramatic effect – in fact, one facet of many of these guys is that they seek drama.
So what’s my point? My point is that yes, there are some great tips you can learn from the pickup “community,” but to really live a great life, the kind in which you get a great woman, and have a great job, and live in a great place, and truly enjoy all life has to offer, you need to be a great man. And you can be that great man.
Needless to say, this takes more than a handful of canned openers, ability to spot “Indicators of Interest” and a fuzzy pimp hat. It takes work.
I love road trips. Long ones. I’ve driven from Seattle to the East Coast and back, to Houston and back, and to southern California more times than I can count. Now, if I only cared about getting there, would I drive? Are you kidding? These days it’s cheaper to fly. No, in the process of driving from place to place, I see mountains, deserts and cornfields, eat at interesting places (the “No Denny’s rule” in effect) listen to a lot of music and just relax. Flying, especially post 9/11, is an exercise in being treated like cattle – airline customers are meant to be moved in and out with the least effort and expense possible. So when I’ve got the time, I drive.
So think of what we’re doing here as more like driving. Look around. Take side trips. Just be honest and stay on the schedule you make for yourself. The gurus can rush you through the security checkpoint and get you on the plane, but when you arrive you’ll have missed some cool stuff that I guarantee you’ll regret later.
At the end of our trip, women will think you’re awesome. But more than that, if you do it right, you will be awesome.