Right now let’s address the unhappiness, because you’ll find being happy resolves many of your problems with being single.
You don’t enjoy the process of life. We live in a very results-oriented world, at least here in the U.S. It could be argued that the entire economic downturn we’re facing is due to people looking for results and looking for them fast, from the mortgage bankers pumping the bottom line with sketchy loans to the investors taking ever-larger gambles on iffy securities.
The sooner you understand that there are no guarantees, the better. And also understand what gets results for one doesn’t necessarily do it for everyone. One man’s light workout is another man’s heart attack. The only way you’ll really enjoy your life is to enjoy the journey.
You’re a victim. It’s so easy to get caught up in this: everybody in the world has someone or something they can blame their troubles on. An ex, the boss, family, the government. Let me tell you, right this minute there are people much worse off than you who are much happier than you.
No one ultimately determines your happiness. It’s not about putting blinders on – it’s about understanding a problem, learning compassion and then doing something about it.
You don’t get out much. This is a growing concern, with more young guys choosing to play World of Warcraft or surf for bikini photos instead of developing social skills by actually talking to other people on a regular basis. Being a hermit doesn’t help you, and it doesn’t help everyone you could be touching with your presence.
One easy way to start: join Meetup. There are groups for almost every hobby and interest. Most areas have a “happy hour” group – that’s a great place to start.
You aren’t treating yourself right. You’ve got a beer gut or junk in the trunk. You like McDonald’s or KFC, or at the other extreme, dining on American-sized portions of fatty French cuisine every night. You’ve had the same haircut for 20 years. You wear polo shirts, khakis and “tighty whities” because they’re easy to buy and you hate to shop. You smell a bit, because who’s getting close enough to notice anyway, right?
Well, not taking care of yourself is a horrible cycle, not only turning off those around you, but also lowering your own self-esteem further. Plus if you’re unfit you’re a candidate for disease and an early grave. Get some help with your hair and clothes. Find a cologne you like (and use it sparingly please). And for God’s sake, start an exercise program, even if it’s just walking for 20 minutes a day.
You put too much of your self-worth in your relationship status. If you really want a relationship worth keeping, you have to first realize how awesome you really are and be happy in your own skin. There’s a popular motto with the pick-up artist crowd: you are the prize. It’s true (although I like to include an addendum: but don’t be a dick about it).
This may be difficult – but you can chip away at this through fixing some of the other items above. Make yourself someone you can be proud of and it will be much easier to stop giving others the power to control you.
Now, I can’t help you with any deep-seated mental issues, abuse or childhood trauma – only you can work through these, with the help of a professional, if necessary. But I can point you in the right direction, help you with motivation and those small steps like clothes shopping or how to approach a woman. In fact, that’s kind of what I’m doing here.
So, are you ready to work?