About Approaching Women

by Michael on April 1, 2009 · 0 comments

Do you have difficulty talking to women? You’re far from alone.

They are legion: the guys who stand at the bar, talking to each other but never making a move towards a woman (sure, they’ll talk about the woman, but for all the good that does they might as well be at home reading Maxim). Guys who see an incredible girl in line in front of them at the coffee shop and come up with the most awesome opening line…after she’s already ordered her coffee and left. Guys who pass the woman of their dreams on the street, but are simply scared nutless to do anything about it.

Let’s face it, the biggest problem standing in the way of the most men is the inability to walk over, or lean over, or just stand right where they are, and say something. Anything.

But why? That’s easy. Confidence, or a lack thereof. Most of us aren’t used to approaching a woman – we fear rejection. She could be married, or engaged, or have a boyfriend. She might not want to be bothered while she’s reading that book. She’s so beautiful, she probably gets hit on a dozen times a day. There are a million reasons to not approach a woman, if you want to talk yourself out of it.

And you will get rejected. Shot down in flames. Pwned. The real secret in approaching women – what a lot of “experts” won’t tell you – is in how you cope when the woman isn’t incredibly receptive to your “game.” And the key to coping is confidence. True confidence in yourself as someone with value. That kind of confidence means you can see her rejection for what it really is: a missed opportunity for her. You will get to move on and make other women happy, while she gets to go home alone with her cat and tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

What a lot of pickup teachers do in order to short-circuit a lack of confidence is to create a rigid formula. Start with the “two girls fighting” opener, move to the “are those your real nails” neg, then tease her about being like your bratty little sister. Feet apart. Don’t face her directly. Lean back. For God’s sake, man, lean back!! Memorize and recite, and you’re too busy thinking to be scared. And that does work for some guys – usually because in the meantime, at the same time they’re doing weeks or months of rote approaches, they’re developing confidence. But are they confident in themselves, or just in their game?

Then there are your friends. Worst of all, your female friends. The ones who tell you over and over again, just be yourself. Ech. Did Joe Torre tell his World Championship teams, “go out there and just be baseball players”? Does Martin Scorsese get the best out of his cast by having them just be actors? Yes, the thought is nice: “I think you’re cool, just show those girls what I see.’ The problem is that your friends have inside knowledge – when you approach a woman you’ll be relying on a first impression your friends probably aren’t aware of.

What you want is elemental to both of these philosophies: to cultivate and surface your full value, and then easily convey that value to the opposite sex. In other words, be your best self.

Some guys innately understand their true awesomeness (we’ll call them “naturals”), while others have to do a little work to get to that point. If you’re a natural, you probably wouldn’t have read this far, so let’s assume you’re like the rest of us. We all have something to work on. Our closet might be a little aged. Our monobrow faces us in the mirror every morning. We can’t walk a block without running out of breath. These things are changeable, without losing what’s special about us. Even larger issues, like stress, or never having been out of your own back yard, or not having a hobby other than your Star Wars figurine collection…there’s help.

The important thing is to understand that this process is meant to be fun. You may not like to shop or shave or sweat, but there are great tips to make all of these things reasonably enjoyable. Anything is possible for someone with an open mind. And yes, you’ll get a whole lot of practice approaching women, because when all is said and done, you’ll need to develop that muscle too.

Don’t forget to ask questions.

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