The Internet is abuzz – abuzz, I tell you! – after one Sean McGinn didn’t get enough responses from women through Match.com and decided to literally make a Federal case out of it. His lawyers’ claim is that the Match.com policy of allowing everyone to make their profiles public, while not allowing contact unless both parties are paid members, resulted in “humiliation and disappointment” for Mr. McGinn.
It’s been a while since I tried Match (with what I’d consider great success), but at the time it seemed to be common knowledge that not all of the profiles were “live” people: some weren’t paid members and others weren’t bothering to check their e-mail for various reasons. Still more simply wouldn’t return e-mail from men whose photos didn’t look right, or who didn’t match their criteria in other ways.
It’s like fly fishing: you cast, and if nothing bites you cast again.
While Mr. McGinn seems to be claiming is that the stream has no fish, we do know that Match.com does have the largest number of paid subscribers of any dating service, online or otherwise. He also resides in Brooklyn, a part of one of the biggest cities in the world, so there should be no issue with numbers.
No, there’s a bigger issue here, and it’s in the language of the lawsuit: McGinn claims “humiliation and disappointment” at the lack of response to his messages, and sees the dating process as “fraught…with fear of rejection and anxiety.” These are big problems – but they’re not Match.com’s problems.
Someone with confidence and value shouldn’t be feeling fearful of the “dating process,” much less humiliated by nothing more than no reply to an e-mail message. If it’s this bad now, what would he do if he gets a date and she doesn’t return his calls afterward?
Instead of lashing out at the dating service (or at women, as some men do), such feelings should be a signal to back away from that “dating process,” sparing both himself and women the negative consequences of those feelings. This should be Sean McGinn time: an opportunity to find out how to improve his confidence, raise his value, and approach the whole process of finding that “special someone” (or just “someone”) with an abundance mentality instead of a scarcity mentality. And while he’s at it, he should toss that “dating process” out the window in favor of just having fun.
Hell, NYC has the best female-to-male ratio of any large US city! Women are out there just waiting to be claimed! In fact, in New York why even bother to use Match when there are hundreds of places where you can basically walk into a crowd of single ladies?
As an aside, McGinn’s lawyers took great pains to tell the NY Post (I sure hope that wasn’t his profile photo) he “met someone he’s happy with,” which seems to me to be the equivalent of shouting, “our client is not an undateable loser!”
So, to the guys watching all this – do you find the “dating process” to be frightening? Are you tossing in your line at Match only to find the hook empty?
Update: On Sept. 10, 2009, Mr. McGinn dropped his lawsuit.