Let me back off the title just a bit: yes, we’re going to cover the most basic baby steps to meeting tons of women, and maybe finding that one special girl. But first, a story:
Back about 10 years ago I hit a dry spell. One bored night I started searching online for “meeting women” and amongst all of the dating services I found something called “Speed Seduction.” Intrigued? Of course! But reading on, I got the gist of this method: using something called Neuro-Linguistic Programming, you embed thoughts in the female mind which would make her think of you as an object of desire. Just walk up to a woman, lay a few “imagine yourself feeling soooo warm and excited”s on her, and reap the magic.
I was unimpressed (and still am), but made a mental note to follow this idea of a method for meeting women.
A few years later I found myself bored and online again, and ran across a chat room where guys were discussing various means of “pickup.” Collectively, they were hammering out principles, discussing methods that worked and methods that were crap, and reviewing each other’s “field trips.” By sheer trial and error they were working out ways (there is, and will always be, more than one) to attract women, and from there get them either into bed or into a relationship. At the same time, it was a treasure trove and a brain overload. Some of the smarter guys there included the ones you’ve read about in The Game.
Making note of what I thought were the better ideas and adapting others to my style and needs, I quickly noticed that this stuff was working. It was almost too much for me (and in one instance, I basically freaked out at the fact that the most gorgeous woman at the art opening, who I had been admiring from afar not twenty minutes before, was literally hanging on me, nuzzling my ear as she spoke to me in the noisy room – I simply had to leave).
The bolt of lightning that struck me was that in the many millions of words of analysis these pick-up artists were cranking out, there was one thing that made it all possible:
Just doing it.
The guys who were doing the best and growing the fastest weren’t the ones who sat ingesting every word, analytically thinking it through and waiting until they had a complete end-to-end program. No, it was the guys who simply took the initiative and approached women in a fun, constructive way. Some could literally say anything to a woman and have her laughing and agreeing with just about any proposition he cared to make. The important part was that he was there in the first place, being fun and interesting.
So that brings us back to today, and your immediate task, which is simply to approach women.
When I say “approach women,” I mean just that: walk up to them and engage them for a minute or two. Don’t try and pick them up, just approach them, ask them a question, and then thank them and leave.
Do it at the store, on the street, in line for a movie, wherever. (Don’t start in clubs – women there are “trained” to fend off guys and need an entirely different touch.) If you think they’re even remotely attractive and you’re in their vicinity, talk to them, whether they’re alone or with a friend.
But she might have a boyfriend.
Doesn’t matter. Do it.
But she might be busy.
Yeah, busy comparing regular Mac and Cheese to Three-Cheese Mac and Cheese. Do it.
But she might laugh at me or freak out.
That’s their problem. Do it.
But now that I look at her, she’s a bit overweight (or has acne, or is one-armed).
You’re not going to sleep with her. Do it.
But she might think I’m creepy.
You’ve got to find that out sometime so you can fix it. Do it.
What to say
Anything. If you’re good at observation, start with an interesting observation. Or ask her help with something (what makes a better gift for your niece who’s going to college: an iPod or a gift certificate for a spa day?). Or simply compliment an article of her clothing, or her smile. Make it sincere. Ask a follow-up question if one is obvious.
I once was buying cologne and was stumped on which to get. So I sprayed both wrists and asked several women in the area which they preferred. I followed up by asking if they preferred cologne on a man at all, and why. I got lots of spirited opinions, a couple of Heismans from women who happened to be allergic, and a clear decision on the cologne I wanted.
She’s not a woman, she’s a person
The easiest way to not make the interaction awkward or creepy is not to talk to her like you’re interested. It’s to treat her like you’d treat a guy who you talk to about sports at the bar. You should really want an opinion or have something interesting to say. Smile, look her in the eye (but not for too long!) and really listen to her response (paying attention is an important skill to develop).
Then walk away
Unless you’re getting clear signals that she wants to continue the discussion, thank her and walk away. Being the one who ends the interaction is important. The more positive interactions you have, the better you’ll feel about approaching women.
This is a drill – the more you do it, the easier it will get.
Make an effort
Don’t forget to look decent – I want you to succeed in this. Find a great shirt and pair of nice pants, trim that nose hair. If you’re getting a bad reaction, try something different. Are you rushing over to talk to women? Instead try calmly walking up, or just waiting for them to come to you. Try more or less eye contact. Instead of directly facing them, try standing shoulder-to-shoulder.
Please have fun with it – if too much anxiety is involved, you need to pull back and work on yourself before you’ll be ready to welcome women into your life.
Again, this is a first step to try and get you over any shyness you feel about talking to new women – until you can conquer that, tactics are useless. At the same time, you should continue improving your physique and wardrobe, developing your talents, and becoming more confident. The work you do on yourself will pay huge dividends in the way that women will see you.
So get out there and do it! Remember, I’m available for questions.