Demonstrating interest: women do it all the time, but few guys know when it happens, and when it doesn’t. It’s understandable sometimes, because women can be subtle. They don’t want to look like they’re throwing themselves at a guy. But other times it can be so blatant that I wonder how he can be missing it.
Case in point: she was the hottest woman at the party. As the evening would down she somehow ended up with a crowd of five guys standing in a semicircle around her, but I knew that only one of them had a chance. Unfortunately he didn’t know. He somehow didn’t notice that she remained turned towards him, hung on every word he said, and basically said with her actions, “I really like you.”
He could have dragged her away for a bite to eat afterward or at least exchanged phone numbers, but instead he just hung and hung and waited for a blatant signal of some sort, until she got fed up and left.
Don’t let this be you.
She Can’t Just Grab You
Like it or not, our society has evolved certain customs. The guy approaches the girl, the girl gives the guy some signals, the guy makes the next move. All we really have to do as guys, considering we get out enough to be where women are, is to be on the lookout for signals, then act on them.
Even a woman you haven’t yet approached may be throwing you signs that you should start a conversation:
- Eye contact, especially the “double take” (she looks, looks away briefly, then looks at you again).
- Turning her body towards you.
- Moving closely past you or moving to stand near you for no good reason.
Keep in mind that you had better get it started right away (unless you’re visibly busy). Standing and staring back at her isn’t suave, it’s creepy.
Know When to Escalate
Now you’re talking with her — so far, so good. But you still need to determine whether you can go from talk to future action. While the actual topic of conversation is important, she likely won’t tell you “we should totally go walk on the beach together,” so you’ll almost always get your cues from her body language. For example, if she’s ignoring four other guys in favor of conversing with you, you should probably consider getting some digits.
Other signals range from the blatant to the very subtle:
- Lots of eye contact
- Tossing her hair or playing with it
- Leaning in toward you or standing in your personal space
- Laughing at your jokes (even the bad ones)
- Touching you on the arm or back as she speaks
- Using your name in the conversation.
And if she should happen to alternate between eye contact and looking at your lips, you should consider kissing her, because that’s what she’s looking for.
If you’re not good at reading women, go out and observe. A busy bar or nightclub is a great place to learn how women use body language to signal. Watch who hits it off and who gets the brush-off, and think about why. As you meet new women, be on the lookout for signs they might be throwing at you. With time you’ll focus less on trying to read individual signs, and more on the overall vibe of the conversation and visual cues.
As always, get out there and practice. If you have questions, ask.