For God’s Sake, Man, Buy Your Own Underwear

by Michael on November 12, 2009 · 0 comments

You will never look as good in y-fronts as she does.

You will never look as good in y-fronts as she does.

A new survey by British department store Debenhams says men don’t like buying underwear. And while I think surveys like this are self-promotional junk, there are a couple of points to be made.

First, the survey notes that men under 26 say they prefer “tight briefs,” men 26-33 say they prefer boxers, and men over 33 like “y-front undies.” Since I’ve always understood that briefs and “y-fronts” both mean what we call “tighty-whiteys,” the gist is that guys grow up and gain some sense at about 26, then lose it again after age 33. This jibes with what I hear (not that I talk underwear with a lot of folks — imagine that ad with Charlie Sheen telling Michael Jordan “I’m wearing your underwear” for why).

Maybe I can help you gain some sense earlier: I’ve already gone over the styles you should wear if you remotely think anyone might see your underpants.

Second is this puzzling quote:

“If [a man] buys more than 31 pairs every year, he’s either still trying desperately to impress the woman in his life – or else she’s not The One.”

Who buys 31 pairs of underwear a year (other than Howie Mandel), even when they’re seeing someone? Now that all transactions are computerized, a department store should have average purchase figures, but somehow I don’t think they bothered to use them here.

Also, according to Debenhams most guys are happy to let their mom buy their underpants until their second year of college, and as soon as they get married they pawn off the duty to their wives. I’ve got to say, that seems slightly Oedipal, but it’s probably that the women in guys’ lives notice holes before most guys do.

Just buy enough decent underpants that you have a week or two worth of clean, stylish drawers in your drawer, and replace them when they wear out. No personal assistant required, but a little taste is.

Average man buys his own underwear for just 17 years of his life – and only if he’s got a hot date [NY Daily News]

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