How to Get Girls, the Howcast Way

by Michael on December 11, 2009 · 0 comments

If you haven’t heard of Howcast, you’re missing out. From how to escape from kidnappers to how to play rock-paper-scissors, it’s a treasure trove of video advice.

Often dodgy advice, sometimes advice you really didn’t need in the first place, but advice nonetheless. They try hard.

How to be Better at Small Talk

For your weekend enjoyment I present some of Howcast’s “how to get girls” riffs, starting with the art of making conversation (aka working a room) with a paper drawing of a woman at a bar. Maybe the dude’s getting back at his girlfriend for running off with the guy from A-ha.

How to Ask Out a Girl

Then, who needs “game” when you’ve got Howcast to show you exactly how to secure a date with the hottest loudly-striped-shirt-wearing babe at the pub? Learn well, because they’re also teaching her how to ignore you. Pay close attention to the pre-asking effort that goes into site selection for the potential date. Apparently he chose the playground.

How to Impress a Woman on a Date

After you’ve procured that hottie and found just the right British East India Company-themed eatery, here are some tips on the wining and dining. You’ll need: money! Oh, and John Waters called, he wants his mustache back.

How to Seduce a Woman

When you really need to bring out the big guns, Howcast’s video gurus have that covered too: tell her you love her and then make her jump out of an airplane with you. Just don’t listen to advice from The Fonz. And I look forward to the pickup gurus taking off with this trend of using cartoon bunnies in their instructional videos.

How to Make a Move on a Girl While Watching a Movie on a Couch

Now, with the economy all bad and stuff, you may want to just have her come over and watch a nice, platonic movie. (Anything whose title begins with Star Wars or Lord of the Rings is plenty platonic.) The goal is to skootch up to her and have your tentacles wrapped around her before she even knows it. That’s where this next video comes in. (Sometimes I think they might not even be taking this stuff seriously.)

And finally, when you follow the advice above a little too closely, here’s what to expect from that one special girl. (Little did I know that an “ex-parte” wasn’t a shindig your old girlfriend throws for you because she’s sorry she broke up with you.)

There are tons more where these came from. If you’ve learned anything today, God help you.

[Howcast.com]

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