The 3 Things You Must Be to Attract Women

by Michael on January 21, 2010 · 0 comments

Wave metaphor: not just for sex anymore. (Photo by Dawn)

Last week we began the series on what you need to meet the woman of your dreams with the three things a woman must feel before you can magically transport her from coffee shop to bedroom. Later we’ll discuss the methods you can use to unlock those feelings, but first let’s talk about you.

To be successful in meeting women is to come in with the right frame of mind. If you’re grumbling in a monotone because you’re grumpy before you get your coffee, you’re not going to win hearts. Likewise if you’re jumping around like you’ve just had 10,000 volts through you, women will either double over laughing or run in terror. So today let’s look at the way your mental state affects your prospects: what you must be.

1. Be ready.

The guys who are the most successful at “the game” are the guys who see opportunities first and can most quickly adjust to the situation. Is she giving you subtle hints that you should approach? What values is she expressing to you? Did something you said just turn her off like a faucet, and what can you do to get back on track? These are all things you have to quickly process and act on. Meeting women isn’t a scripted monologue. It’s an interaction with a lot of nuance.

Before you can be really successful with women you have to master the art of paying attention. If you can spot an interesting piece of jewelry from 20 feet away, you have an instant opener. If she mentions a faraway tropical place in passing, there’s somewhere you can have her envision you and her playing in the waves. And if she mentions her fiancé in passing, you want to be ready to thank her for the conversation and quickly eject.

A conversation with a woman can take an unexpected turn at a moment’s notice. You need to find the flow, feel the flow and ride it, like a surfer rides a wave.

In rhyming terms: first assess, then address.

2. Be adventurous.

People get confused over this word: “adventurous” doesn’t mean you like something unusual. It means you’re willing to try something new or different that you haven’t before. Rigidity and timidity will sink you with most women. They sense it incredibly quickly.

The best tools in a pickup artist’s arsenal are adventure stories: tales of going somewhere or doing something you’ve never done in your life, perhaps even battling initial failure but ultimately finding the experience exhilarating. This demonstrates big-time value without requiring money or fame.

The best way to be able to convey adventurousness is to actually try new things. Book a vacation somewhere different than usual. Take some lessons to learn a new skill. Perform at an open mic night. Enter a competition.  Life is short—do it as much for yourself as anyone. The more you learn and do, the smarter and more confident you’ll become—pretty awesome side benefits.

And when you have a wider variety of experiences, you’ll be more likely to have something in common with new women you meet. You may even meet women in the process!

3. Be normal.

This is a hard one. To most people, the definition of “normal” is “the way I am.” But the better definition is “someone with social skills.” Most women will discern quickly whether you give off a creepy vibe, or an angry one, and unless they have social dysfunction in their own lives they will quickly try to put distance between you. Same with the guy who sends the message that he’s too good for her, or the guy who clearly hates his life.

To narrow “normal” further, it’s “a guy with social skills, confidence and a positive outlook.” Normal women want fun, they want adventure, and they want a guy who they can be fairly sure isn’t going to beat her, kill himself, or be marched out in handcuffs.

One signal that you might be deviating from the path of the normal is when you spend too much time alone. Get out into the world. Do some of the things in the section above and build your confidence. Make platonic friends. Guy friends. Ones that aren’t in a cult or political group. Meet and talk to a lot of people—the best way to develop strong social skills is practice. It’s like a muscle you have to work regularly to grow and maintain it.

If you’re truly feeling angry or despondent about life, do seek professional help from someone who can determine whether there’s a chemical imbalance or an underlying issue you can address and get past. “Normal” doesn’t have to mean ignorantly happy, but you should have reasonable capacity to enjoy life.

Finally, life is not a sitcom where you can constantly say or do outrageous stuff and expect a laugh track. Don’t confuse attraction and mere attention: she may not be laughing with you.

It doesn’t have to be hard

Being ready, being adventurous and being normal doesn’t mean not being you. It means being the best you. The more you can improve yourself, raise your confidence, exercise your social skills and adapt to changing circumstances, the better you will be not only with women but in life.

I know this sounds like work, but it’s really not. Experiencing new adventures and new people can be fun, and even if it’s difficult at first, the more you do it the more fun it becomes. If you dedicate yourself to nothing more than enjoying new experiences and meeting new people, you’ll be surprised how quickly it will translate to success with women.

Next week we’ll get started with step-by-step strategies for creating attraction. Buckle up, we’ve only scratched the surface.

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