What Do You Say to a Girl?

by Michael on May 18, 2010 · 2 comments

She's waiting for you...and she's really, really bored. (Photo by Pip R. Lagenta)

You’re walking down the street and you spot her: the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever seen. She’s walking on the other side of the street, a shopping bag in her hand. Your first instinct is to stand and gawk, then be on your way. But not this time. You cross the street, catch up to her, and say…

What do you say?

Probably the most-asked question ever by guys, “how do I ‘open’ a woman” is the age-old dilemma: how do you start a conversation with a woman you’re interested in without sounding creepy or cheesy or dumb?

The answer is really three-fold:

  1. Be natural.
  2. Be confident.
  3. Make her think.

In general (there are exceptions that I’ll address later), you want to address a woman in a way that seems natural, as if it’s just something you had to say. Then you want to make her think, so she’ll have to answer you in a natural way. What’s natural, however, depends on the situation.

Let’s start with that hottie on the street. After catching up with her (don’t start talking until you’re clearly in her field of vision) you could start off something like this:

“Hi, I saw you walking past just now…you’ve got great style. Do you regularly shop at (name of store on her shopping bag)? My cousin is coming to town and it would be great to give her some shopping ideas.”

From there you can move the conversation to the topic of local hotspots, including maybe a coffee shop where she might like to join you for a cup. Be confident and have fun yourself.

Situational Openers

Another great way to open is to make an observation about the situation you’re both in. Let’s say you’re both in line for an ATM. You might say, “I thought nobody used cash anymore. Let me guess, you need cash for the farmer’s market.” Possible answers from her include wondering why you think that (to which you can say she looks like she eats healthy and takes care of herself), telling you what she’s actually using the cash for (opening the floor for discussion of that) or, if she’s a real live one, retorting, “nah, I’m going to a strip club” (in which case you laugh, dummy).

Observations are the bedrock of real-world pickup. If you’re paying attention to what goes on around you, you should see enough humor and absurdity to fuel a conversation. You don’t have to crack wise if it’s not your thing, though: sometimes a simple observation or hello followed with a question you really want to know the answer to will suffice. I got a lot of mileage out of trying a different cologne on each wrist and asking women which they preferred.

Go Direct

Finally there’s the super-direct method:

“Hi, I just saw you walk by and had to talk to you. It’s rare to see a woman with your style and grace in this town.”

From there it’s up to you to continue the conversation—9 out of 10 women will respond with “thank you”—but you should have topics prepared before you start. Stay away from small talk, though. She’ll get bored, you’ll get stuck and the whole thing will come off the rails. And don’t compliment her beauty. Compliment her style, her smile, her devil-may-care manner, but not her looks.

Know When to Go

Finally, know that even if you’re the most confident, awesome guy in the world, some women won’t have much to say. They may be tongue-tied or shy, or in a bad mood, or not smart enough to think on their feet. Don’t waste your time. When things seem strained (even if that time is immediately after the opener) tell her, “thank you for your time, have a great day” and be on your way.

If you’re doing this right, you should be making the day a little brighter for both of you: yourself because you got the attention of a great woman, and her because you put a little light into her day. If you want to read more on this, please do, but it’s even better if you go out and give it a try.

2 comments… read them below or add one

John June 1, 2013 at 1:11 pm

These are not good ways to approach a girl. The author mentions that a natural conversation is better, then lists completely unnatural openers. The stuff about the cousin and the sweet talking are bullshit, so they will come off unnatural.

Not a lot of people can successfully pick up a classy woman in the street. Women are easily creeped out when someone randomly talks to them, because they regularly get approached with crap lines like the ones in the article.

If you are convinced you are not creepy, try an easy smile and “what’s your name…?”, “do you live around here?”. If at this point she is not sprinting away and maybe even facing you and smiling, go on…ask her stuff, answer her questions, have a conversation, if you find nothing for you to talk about the first 5 minutes you probably have little in common anyways.


Michael June 2, 2013 at 11:40 pm

Hi John! I’m not sure you got the gist of the article (it’s not what you say, but how you say it), but I’m intrigued — “What’s your name? Do you live around here?” will make most women sprint, so you must be doing something right, demeanor-wise, to make that work.

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