If only you could rig this up as a controller for Gran Turismo...

It’s news, but it’s not news: scientists have found that sitting for long periods of time is bad for your health. While you should just be able to feel that a sedentary lifestyle is the inverse of fitness, now there’s evidence that actual negative changes in your body occur while you’re sitting still. Healthy substances that are generated when your muscles flex don’t appear when you’re stationary.

From a recent New York Times article:

Men who normally walk a lot (about 10,000 steps per day, as measured by a pedometer) were asked to cut back (to about 1,350 steps per day) for two weeks, by using elevators instead of stairs, driving to work instead of walking and so on. By the end of the two weeks, all of them had became worse at metabolizing sugars and fats. Their distribution of body fat had also altered — they had become fatter around the middle.

It’s not just at work, either. If you come home and flop on the couch to watch TV or settle in at the computer for heavy-duty web surfing, it compounds the problem. And exercising your thumbs with the PlayStation doesn’t help much.

What’s more, you can’t completely make up for a day of sitting around by working out at 5:00. Among people who observed a program of regular exercise, those who sat the rest of their day were fatter and less healthy than those who moved around throughout the day.

The World Changed, We Didn’t

The prescription for good health is to eat wholesome foods and keep active. It’s what humans did in the days of the caveman and medieval times, through the Industrial Revolution. In the 20th century this all changed. The office job was invented, the automobile became popular, and an ever-growing percentage of the “developed” world remained seated virtually from the moment they left the house in the morning until they returned at night. And when they got home, people had fewer “chores,” ever more convenient processed food requiring no preparation, and more passive entertainment options.

The problem is that our bodies haven’t changed they way they operate. The owner’s manual is still the same. Put healthy food in and keep active.

Rage Against the Chair

Fortunately, the same modern world that tries to keep us sitting has created a wide variety of tools and techniques to get us active again. Some of them are incredibly simple, others are a complete lifestyle change—but it’s possible a lifestyle change is just what you need.

From easiest to hardest:

1. Take frequent breaks. Even if you have to sit for your job, you still don’t have to sit for hours at a stretch. Set an alarm and walk away for a few minutes. Don’t leave it up to yourself to remember—there are simple computer programs you can use to alert you every 15-20 minutes that it’s time to get up and walk around or do a few exercises. Scirocco Take a Break (Windows) and Time Out (Mac) are free and will do the job. And stop sending e-mails across the office for trivial information when it’s a perfect opportunity to get up and take a walk.

2. Exercise and stretch throughout the day. Besides your daily workout, have some exercises to do in the office or at home. Even a minute at a time will help you. Do a set of pushups or some lunges. I keep my Iron Gym in the doorway of my home office, and I find myself doing 5-10 pull-ups several times a day. There’s a list of exercises on eHow that can help you shake off atrophy at work.

3. Walk everywhere possible. If you live less than a mile from work, you shouldn’t be taking a car. Walk somewhere to eat your lunch, even if you made your lunch yourself. Walk to do errands. Walk just for the heck of it. Once you get adjusted to walking, it will seem unnatural to get around any differently.

4. Use the stairs. Are you using the elevator to travel fewer than 4-5 floors? You’re wasting energy as well as a prime exercise opportunity. One good exercise habit is to use the restroom on the floor above or below the one you work on.

5. Ditch your chair. If it’s possible, use a standing workstation at the office. Some businesses with good wellness/fitness policies will help you get one. Same at home: elevate your computer to eye level and stand while you surf. If you’re really feeling like pushing the envelope, try a treadmill workstation. If you can’t stand standing, at least consider using a balance ball (which recruits your core to stay seated).

6. Get a Wii. The hardcore gamers are going to roll their eyes, but the Wii owners will have the slimmer waistlines, so who cares? In my opinion this is the single biggest technological boon to fitness since the dumbbell: videogames that force you to move around, keeping you entertained while getting you off the couch. Just keep a firm grip on the controller.

7. Get an active hobby. Or three. Find a sport you’d like to try. Learn to dance. Take a self-defense course. Grab the evening class schedule from the local community college and find the most active classes. Even skills like cooking and woodworking require you to move around. Not only does learning new skills get you off the couch, it makes you a more valuable, rounded person.

8. Take pride in your home. Everyone would like to improve their living space, and it’s a healthier way to spend the weekend than watching TV. Have a list of fixes and improvements to make around your place, and teach yourself to do tasks like putting in light fixtures and switches, re-caulking the bathtub and weeding the lawn. Paint, hang doors…you know, the things men should do.

9. Trade your car for a bike. We’re reaching the “lifestyle change” end of the spectrum here, but these days getting around your town or city by bicycle is easier than ever, not to mention much cheaper than burning petroleum. Many businesses even have shower and locker facilities for cyclist employees. Once you get the hang of cycling, you may even be tempted to get rid of your car! And why not: another technological boon for mankind is something called Zipcar, a kind of auto timeshare that lets you use a car when you really need one, without the expense of a loan, insurance and maintenance. It also frees up your garage for more bike stuff.

10. Get an active job. Why not take a break from the desk like Peter Gibbons in Office Space? You might not want to join a cleanup crew, but there are plenty of jobs that enable you to get out from behind a desk for part or all of your day. Not long ago I moved laterally in the company I worked for, and started handling trade shows. I got to travel, set up and take down a simple booth, and walk the floor glad-handing people. Not to mention that the services counter at each of these huge trade centers was always about a half-mile from our booth. If you’re doing inside sales, consider outside sales. Moonlight as a barista. Or start your own company—that could very well keep you on your feet.

The bottom line here is to put yourself in the healthiest position possible, and that position is not seated. Do what you’re comfortable with, but do something. With the options and technology at our disposal, we should be able to break through the sedentary example set by the last few generations while we improve our entire lifestyle.

Now it’s your turn: what are you doing to keep yourself active at an office job? What other ideas have I missed?

Worth skipping class for, sure. But what about your buddy's hiking trip? ...Okay, that too.

You’ve seen this: someone organizes an event and requests RSVPs. When event time rolls around, someone no-shows. Maybe a lot of people no-show. The worst is when it’s an event with limited space – you look at empty seats and maybe think about the friend of yours who really wanted to come along, but the event was full. Sometimes the host waits to start, just in case some laggards are running late, but the laggards never show up and you’re now the ones who are running late.

Or on the other side of the coin, you’ve signed up for a class or a group event, and it’s getting close. The afternoon of the event, you feel a little sick. Or that girl you’ve been after calls and invites you for a drink. No big deal, life happens, you can go to the next one, right?

An RSVP is a Commitment

Any time you’re invited and you accept the invitation, you’ve made a commitment. Obviously some commitments are bigger than others – if your best friend asks you to a basketball game and buys tickets, you would probably feel a responsibility to show up. But if you respond to a forwarded Facebook invite to a huge blowout hosted by someone you don’t even know, who’s even to know if you just decide to not go?

No matter the size of the event, your commitment comes with implied responsibility. People do notice when you say you’ll be somewhere or do something and then aren’t there, even sometimes in the largest events. The host of that blowout may have been looking forward to meeting you. A seminar or class might have a waiting list, with people who would be grateful to take that empty chair.

No-showing, or “flaking,” shows disrespect to those who invited you, and in some cases to the other attendees. Enough no-shows and you might expect to become dis-invited to future parties or events.

Manage Your RSVPs

The first step to avoiding no-shows is not to commit to something you’re not sure you’ll attend. I get invited to dozens of events a month – many more than I can realistically make time for – so I only agree to attend what I really want to attend. Everything else I decline. If I decline a personal invitation, I normally add a short note reading something like, “Unfortunately I have a conflict that night. Thanks for the invitation.”

It’s important to respond “yes” or “no” to all invitations, and to do so within a reasonable amount of time so that the host can plan appropriately. Many online RSVPs include a “maybe” button – the best idea is to ignore it. Most people respond “maybe” because either they’re afraid to say “no” or because they’re waiting to see if something better comes along. Instead of a “maybe,” wait to respond when you’re sure you can or can’t make it. You should either commit or decline in a timely manner, period.

If the invitation is handwritten or e-mailed, your response should be sent the same way. If the invitation is second-hand, it’s still a good idea to respond – that way the host may be inclined to invite you directly in the future.

When Something Comes Up

Everyone has had to cancel plans at the last minute. Cars break down, people get injured, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities come up. It’s how you handle these life issues that demonstrates your character.

If there’s still a reasonable amount of time, you can simply change your RSVP. Make sure to include a note apologizing for changing your response, explaining that something has come up, and thanking the host. If time is short, however, you’ll have to contact the host directly. Within a day or two you can safely send an e-mail message explaining the situation, but on the day of the event you should phone. Do this at the earliest possible moment: it’s critical if the host has to do any planning based on the number of guests, or your absence would free up an opening for someone else to attend. And make sure that you have the phone number with you as you drive to the event, in case you have car trouble or are called upon to make a roadside rescue (it could happen).

If the event is a class, seminar or another type of function where you must register, contact the organizer or instructor as soon as you know you can’t be there. This could enable someone on the waiting list to attend, and if you had to pay for the event it might even get your money back.

How You Treat Commitments Defines You

Reputation is cumulative. As a man, you build your reputation by honoring commitments, communicating when there’s a problem, and making the confident, bold move. No-showing is definitely not a bold move. Do it enough and you’ll be known as a flake, and the invitations will stop coming.

If you communicate well, you’ll be well-regarded by friends and strangers alike.

(Photo by thelastminute)

As I write this, we’re in the middle of the Winter Olympics: some of the world’s greatest athletes, performing feats most of us can only dream of. Can you jump off a cliff and fly the length of one-and-a-half football fields before landing perfectly on skis? Neither can I.

But there was a much more sad event this week: a man flew a small plane into an Internal Revenue Service office, leaving behind a long internet screed blaming the government for the problems in his life.

It got me thinking. What makes the difference? How do we get on the path that leads us to excel, or the path that leads to feelings of helplessness and ultimately oblivion? More practically, how can you or I take what we have (or don’t have) right now and get our lives to a better place?

What’s here is only a start, but if you’re stuck in a place where you’re feeling adrift, you really need to read this.

Define Your Own Life

Simply put, if you don’t define your life for yourself, it will be defined for you. If you believe you can do great things, you at the very least have a chance. But if you don’t believe you can do great things, you never will. We don’t stumble into greatness. It never happens to us. We either make it happen or we don’t.

Likewise, if you believe your life is a battle against forces trying to harm you, that is what your life will be. Would you rather live that life of fear or a life with meaning?

Decide what’s important to you. What do you really value? What makes you truly happy? Write it down. Tape it to your bathroom mirror. Start moving your life in the direction you’ve determined.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” – Henry David Thoreau

Know You’re Always Capable of More

This is one thing I’m sure of: no matter who you are, no matter the pluses and minuses in your life, you can do something more. There’s always something to be learned, a door to open, someone to touch, something to achieve.

Tim Ferriss, of Four-Hour Work Week fame, has a saying: “Doing the unrealistic is easier than doing the realistic.” The vast majority of people aim low. They choose to find a goal they can easily visualize themselves achieving with reasonable (but not too much) effort. They figure, “they’re all doing it, hell, I’ll just do it too.” File that under Allowing Others to Define Your Life.

Instead, why not look beyond the beaten path and work toward those dreams? Instead of following the textbook, write your own script. Take those dreams and start turning them into goals, then into steps. Imagine new ways to accomplish those goals.

Don’t let this intimidate you into paralysis, though. You don’t have to “reinvent the wheel,” just find the right wheel to get you where you want to go. Refining the wheel, however, is fair game.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Understanding Yourself

We live in a busy, busy world. There are so many distractions that we can fill every waking moment with work or play. But how much time do we spend in quiet reflection? After all, before you can achieve your dreams, you have to dream.

I’ve recommended meditation before, and I’ll say it again: it’s a powerful way to help you focus your thoughts and clear the clutter in your mind. Also, I’ve found that solo road trips offer me the time and solitude to work through problems. Another way to get your thoughts down is journaling – just be sure to take the time to really get your deep thoughts down and reflect on them. And write down your strengths and weaknesses. Be honest and complete. Then work on fixing those weaknesses and maximizing your strengths.

The people with the most vivid dreams and the highest drive to achieve them are those who have spent time looking at themselves and determining who they really are.

“You have to start knowing yourself so well that you begin to know other people. A piece of us is in every person we can ever meet.” – John D. MacDonald

Living With Integrity

There’s one factor that will help you not only to achieve your dreams, but cushion you when you stumble: live with integrity. Strive to make your words and actions consistent, so that others trust you, and more importantly, you trust yourself.

Treat everyone you meet as if they could help you: more often than not, they can. From servers to phone support, executive assistants to the guy in the next seat in the bar, be consistent in dealing with people. That includes people close to you – and people you want to be close to.

“Men of integrity, by their very existence, rekindle the belief that as a people we can live above the level of moral squalor. We need that belief; a cynical community is a corrupt community.” John W. Gardner

No One Says It’s Easy

While we’re being honest: listen, anything worth achieving will take some work. The more ground you need to cover, the more steps it will take you to cover that ground, there’s no way around it. And the work may be compounded by a late start: if you’re obese, getting trim and healthy will take longer. If you’re hopeless socially and your wardrobe is exclusively no-name sneakers, khakis and polos from Wal-Mart, just a couple of quick tips won’t make you a ladies’ man.

When you’ve got a long, hard road to walk, the most important factor for success is to find a way to enjoy the journey.

And sometimes you’ll find a dream slips from your grasp entirely. You work hard and save for retirement and a stock-market crash snatches away your savings. A mudslide takes your home with it. Someone (intentionally or unintentionally) sabotages you. But almost anyone successful you can think of has faced adversity or setbacks. You can’t watch an hour of Olympics coverage without hearing multiple stories of these elite athletes beating poverty, or bouncing back from a debilitating injury, or almost leaving the sport they love only to return to greater success.

Life can, and will, throw you a curveball, or even a knockdown pitch, from time to time. The measure of a man is how he handles it.

“Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward.” – Henry Ford

The Trouble With Normal

I hear so many people say that all they want is a “simple,” “normal life.” The first problem with that is there’s no such thing as “normal.” Everyone has an idea in their head of what “normal” might be, but I can guarantee you that their notes won’t match. Do “normal” people cook their own meals, or eat at KFC? Do they work at a job they hate and wait for 65 to retire? Do they cocoon at home, or party three nights a week?

Second, and more importantly, the trouble with “normal” is that it can never stay that way. The people who strive so hard to maintain a “normal” life are always the most shaken when something happens to interrupt that normalcy. So instead of working to achieve new dreams, attain new goals, they work just to try and prevent bad things from happening.

Even seeking greatness can be much more fulfilling than simply struggling to be “normal” – it truly is the difference between an Olympian high and the helpless low.

There’s a growing trend of advice aimed at frustrated guys, suggesting that the solution to their frustration is that they need to “be the dick.” Or “the asshole.” Or whatever.

It’s bad, bad advice.

"Well, my watch keeps melting...and I'm not so sure this is really an iPhone." (Photo by misocrazy)

There’s a great book right now that spoofs this phenomenon, called A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way – and Getting Away with it. But it occurred to me that there isn’t so much advice out there on how to stop being frustrated by simply being a man about it.

Of course, as with most better ways, it’s not necessarily the easy way. Throwing a tantrum is really easy and there’s very little thought involved. You simply visualize what you want and scream about it and how you’re being wronged. To be a man about it is to be above petty tactics, lying or deception.

The best place to start is with the people who most often have to hear and act on our problems: clerks, servers and customer service employees.

Treat People Like People

The most important principle to remember is to treat everyone you deal with like your equal, even if you don’t initially think they are (you might be surprised). Greet clerks and customer service people like you know them. Use their name. Get them on your side before they even know what you want. Listen to what they have to say. It may not be what you want to hear, but it may help you with your next steps.

I used to go to a particular restaurant for lunch 3 or 4 times a week. The service was great but the cooks would frequently miss something—to me that was okay, I’s call the waitress over by name and tell her, “everything’s awesome except the toast got burned.” The response was always “oh, no problem, let me have them re-make the sandwich for you.” One day a co-worker who was sitting across the room with friends saw me laughing with the waitress and called me over.

“Are you dating her?” he asked.

“No, she has a boyfriend.”

He replied, “then why was she so snarky to me when I had a problem with my food”?

At this point, one of his friends told him, “tell him what you said.”

He re-created the scene, stabbing his finger down at what looked like a stray caramelized onion stuck to the outside of his bread. “What’s this?”

“Yeah, she probably thought you were being so sweet you were going to hit on her,” I retorted.

Negotiate or Hold Your Ground?

A man among men knows when to pick his battles. There are times when you will have to accept less, or even nothing.

For example, your credit card just hiked your rate because you were a day late with a payment. This is something that a rational person could expect the company to reverse completely. If you have a balance on that card, you also come from a position of strength: you can move that balance entirely to another card and this company will lose all of the interest they would have normally earned. If they don’t reverse the rate increase, it’s clear they lose.

Remember, though, that being a man means keeping your promises: if they do refuse to reverse the charge, you should have the spine to move your balance and close the account. (You might find that they have a change of heart once they see you’ll go through with it.)

Now let’s say your other cards all carry low rates but you want to keep using this card. Often you’ll call and they’ll lower your rate just because you took the time. Sometimes, though, they’ll tell you that holding the line on your higher rate is “company policy.” This is where you can probably not expect them to match your other cards’ rate, but you might get something else, like zero-percent on a balance transfer, that may financially help more than the lower overall rate.

Or your computer fails one month after the warranty expires. The letter of the agreement you have with the manufacturer says you agree to pay for repairs after the warranty ends. However, there are a number of reasons you may still get free service. A known flaw may be supported indefinitely, or the manufacturer may empower its employees to make judgment calls.  There’s no reason you shouldn’t see if you can get your computer serviced at no charge, but you should also accept that you may have to pay for your repair.

Standing your ground is important when necessary. You may need to (politely) work your way up the management chain, write a letter, even contact the Better Business Bureau or state Attorney General’s office, but every step should be done with care and manners.

You Can’t Have It Your Way Until They See It Your Way

A man among men knows exactly what he wants. When you can visualize success, you’re more likely to get it. What solution will make you happy? What solution will you accept? Be ready to propose this when you present your case.

Make sure that you’re communicating more than just the problem and your desired solution. First, it’s always good to start with what you like about the company or product, and then how the problem affects you. If you’ve been an Apple guy for most of your life, and you’ve never felt this frustrated with a Mac before, say so.  While the process of getting what you want shouldn’t be personal, the problem statement should be.

Let’s say you’ve called customer service and explained your problem and the consequences, but all the rep will say is “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” At this point you want to make sure they understand the problem. “You understand how this is frustrating/preventing me from doing my job/preventing me from using your service in the future, right?” Then ask what next steps you can take. If they aren’t sure, then ask if maybe a manager would have more leeway.

If you ask to be escalated, make sure the rep knows that you won’t be complaining about him. In fact, the best way to start a conversation with a manager is, “I was just speaking with (rep’s name), and she treated me great but she couldn’t help me with this extremely frustrating issue…” (Yes, there are people who should never have been put in a position to deal with the public. If you’ve interacted with someone like that, you should communicate your frustration with it as well.)

Finally, make sure you document every step accurately. If you end up writing a letter to management or filing a complaint with the BBB, you want to accurately portray your problem as well as what you’ve tried to do so far.

You Can’t Have All of the Cookies

You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you just might find
You get what you need

- Mick Jagger

No one gets everything. Donald Trump encounters failure. Microsoft couldn’t make tablet computers popular. It’s nice to think you can negotiate anything—and you can negotiate a lot more than you think—but you will occasionally run into a dead end.

The true measure of a man is how you handle things—and people—that don’t go your way. Anyone can swagger when he comes out on top, but it’s hard to be the “alpha dog” on the telephone with customer service. Everyday life is a series of interactions with people of different kinds. Being a man, with integrity, humility and grace, is as important on the phone with “Rosie” from Bangalore as it is with that girl you flirted with at the bar last night.

The only thing any Super Bowl ad made me want to get: a copy of National Lampoon's Vacation.

From Woot, purveyors of single-day, single-item deals and the legendary Bag o’ Crap, comes an amazingly perceptive blog post:

Commercials don’t just come out of thin air, y’know. A lot of time, thought, and money goes into distilling an advertiser’s product into the perfect message that resonates with you, the 18-25 year-old male with disposable income. And lots of research has shown that the message that resonates most is the one that makes you think, “I’m just like that guy.”

So with that mind, what did Sunday’s big ad-stravaganza say about how advertisers see you?

It’s true (except the demographic is 18-35, which makes it look even sillier). The much-awaited Super Bowl ads have by now been rendered into a formula:

Male Stereotype + At Least One Special Effect + At Least One Laugh at the Guy’s Expense = $ale$.

It wouldn’t be so bad if guys didn’t take this stuff to heart. Frat brothers act out the beer commercials in spades (and even drink the crap disguised as beer that’s featured in them). The guy going clothes shopping with his girl doesn’t think “what kind of hot clothes can I steer her into wearing?” but “gee, I really must be whipped!” And I can guarantee you that despite the fact that we know there’s not going to be any actual porn on the GoDaddy site, every year their servers almost collapse from an avalanche of guys wanting to “see more.” (Spoiler: the chick who exposed her GoDaddy undershirt dances around for a minute and then there’s some “humorous” punchline. Seriously, they’ve been doing this for years, you’d think guys would learn.)

Not one of these ads has anything to do with being a man. Wait, I take it back. The Coke ad where Mr. Burns goes bankrupt, but the citizens of Springfield hand him a Coke and make him feel like he’s a valued part of the community—that has a lot to do with feeling like a man.

I’m not saying some of them aren’t very funny, but don’t tell me I was the only one hoping Gene Simmons’ son would come out and slap his dad for thinking midgets were a good idea in that Cherry Dr. Pepper commercial. That would have been funny.

Anyway, read the blog post and see if you don’t nod in agreement. If you don’t, let me know.

What Super Bowl Commercials Say About You [Woot!]

There are very few truly great men’s sites out there. Most feature reposts of softcore bikini photos from FHM or Maxim, reposts of gadget finds from Gizmodo or GDGT, and all the lifestyle help of a beer commercial.

And then there’s The Art of Manliness. I’ve raved about Brett and Kate McKay’s site before, and as time goes on I have even more respect for them and their classic-yet-fresh take on masculinity. Well, they recently completed their first book—and true to form, it’s not an e-book sold on Clickbank, it’s a paper-and-ink tome fittingly titled The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man.

This book delivers on its promise in spades. If you get past the swaggering Victorian dandy on the cover you’ll find practical advice that applies here and now, for almost every aspect of a man’s life.

Its eight chapters reflect all sides of the total man: “The Gentleman,” “The Friend,” “The Hero,” “The Lover,” “The Father,” “The Outdoorsman,” “The Leader” and “The Virtuous Man.” “The Gentleman,” for example, includes tips and advice on becoming well-groomed and well-mannered, from how to fold a pocket square and iron pants to the “lost art” of wet shaving with a safety razor. If you want to know the difference between the American Man Hug and the International Man Hug, how to land a plane in an emergency or how to braid your daughter’s hair, it’s in there.

As a bonus, I found Art of Manliness to be a quick, engaging read. Where the AoM site frequently discusses its topics at length, the book is concise and well-structured, quickly laying out the steps to a tip or the case for a concept and moving on.

The thread tying these tips and trivia together is the notion that what makes a man a man has never changed—it just gets lost in the noise. A well-put-together guy still has a better shot at the women, fathering is still a manly art, and a guy who practices common courtesy as well as his fighting skills still has a leg up on both the meathead and the mouse. As on their site, much of the references here are from a “golden age” of manliness that may or may not be a tad idealized, but the information is solid.

Most of this book is just plain common sense, and you’ll find yourself nodding in agreement with advice like “Stop Hanging Around with Women and Start Dating Them” and “Give and Accept Criticism Without Coming Off as a Cad.” That’s not to say there aren’t some concepts that might make you think twice: reading the McKays’ advice on “Modern Technology and the New Rules of Etiquette,” you might realize you’ve been using your cell and e-mail less like a man and more like a cross between a 14-year-old girl and Unfrozen Caveman Computer Nerd. (Yes, it IS possible to use actual grammar in an e-mail message!)

Reading deeper, another key concept surfaces: one change we’ve suffered in the modern world is that the brotherhood of men has become less of a brotherhood and more like a loose circle of disposable acquaintances. And that, son, makes you disposable too. How many of us under the age of 50 (hell, 65) have thought of joining a fraternal organization? And how often have you planned a vacation with your buddies that involved gathering firewood or catching your own dinner? I think the McKays nailed it on the head: there’s an underlying homophobia that keeps us leery of true male friendships, and a modern detachment that keeps us closed off from (or worse, antagonistic toward) our communities.

Rant over—the point is, you will learn something from The Art of Manliness, and you’ll come away a better man no matter where you come from. The first print run completely sold out before Christmas, so if you’ve already got it, bully for you! If you don’t, the second printing is now available, so make haste before it’s gone too.

The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man [Amazon.com]

In case you’ve been on Jupiter, this past Friday was Conan O’Brien’s last episode of The Tonight Show. I’m not going to go on about how awful a move NBC has made, but instead bring you words of wisdom from the man himself:

“I hate cynicism…it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

I can’t say much more. Well, I can, but I’ll let those words resonate—words from a man who is famous, beloved, incredibly rich and can almost play a decent guitar solo.