The man, 56 years and 10 inches ago.

Happy first weekend of fall! (Aussies, happy first weekend of spring!) Right now as I look out my window, Mother Nature can’t decide whether to lighten up or bring the pain. I’m guessing soon it’ll be the pain.

Now that you college students have your computers hooked up (who am I kidding, you brought your laptop from home and it took you five seconds to jack into the dorm’s wi-fi) here’s a selection of informational nuggets, none of which contain a photo of Ines Sainz. (I’ll pause a minute or so while everyone under 25 Googles “Ines Sainz”…aaand we’re back.)

Fast Meals

If you’re not in a dorm, you’re probably forced to cook for yourself. What could you ask your parents to give you that would make healthy food preparation quicker? The Food Processor, the One-Man Band of the ’70s, Takes Center Stage is an introduction to the original grater, slicer, chopper, mixer, blender and whipper, all in one. And don’t let them cheap out with one of those Silver Bullets, either. [NY Times]

Get It Together, Man

Let’s face it, you’ve slouched through another summer and you’re going back into the new school year with the same baggage you carried around all last year. Well, here’s a chance to get your mind in order. I can’t say I’ve seen a better list of mental self-improvement tips maybe ever. Samples:

3. Realize that unexpected events can be a good thing. As the Dalai Lama once said, “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

12. Meet with a professional counselor if there are issues you need to discuss. Many people are struggling with dead weight from the past or emotional baggage that is holding them back. Deal with them and move on with professional assistance.

21. Spend time with yourself each day. Susan Taylor states that “spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.”

30. Change your toothbrush. It can be a hotbed of bacteria.

47. Live in the present, not the past. The past is over. Move on and enjoy every moment as it occurs. Take stock of what needs to be accomplished and move forward with this information.

All good advice. Especially the part about the toothbrush. It was all alone in there with your roommate… [Litemind]

Fun at Parties?

You’re alone watching late night TV and see that Shake Weight ad. Suddenly your credit card starts burning a hole in your back pocket. Those guys have muscles on their muscles! And they’re all using the Shake Weight!

Ever heard of the word “models”?

In case you needed proof, the guys at Wired tested the Shake Weight, and found it, in their own words, “Hilarious but Useless.” And really, that goes for most workout gimmicks (I’m talking to you, Thighmaster!). Maybe go over to the computer and order up some non-shake weights. [Wired]

I Win $10

Jack LaLanne is not dead. He’s pushing 96, though. It seems that all that exercise and the Juice Tiger have kept him healthy after all. He might not be towing any barges to celebrate this birthday, but it looks like he’s still feisty. And let us pause to thank him for introducing the co-ed gym. [AOL News]

Where Ya Goin’, Five-Head?

What’s that, you say? The other kids dissing your put-downs because they’re played? The guys at The Grooming Lounge have put together a short list of slang terms for unkempt facial hair, skin problems, and other unfortunate issues that you can use to feel superior to your fellow man. Bat Wings? That’s a new one. [The Grooming Lounge]

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Hump-day Links XIV

by Michael on September 16, 2009 · 0 comments

After retiring from the Houston Police Dept., Phil and Frank got a little crazy. (Photo by zieak)

After retiring from the Houston Police Dept., Phil and Frank got a little crazy. (Photo by zieak)

Congrats — another week half over. In honor of that, I’d like you to agree to really listen (and not talk – this is critical to listening) to someone who disagrees with you politically. There’s too little of that right now. Maybe use some critical thinking skills while you’re at it.

This week’s selection from around the series of tubes:

Yet They Don’t Find It As Endearing As They Do in the Movies: Men lose their minds speaking to pretty women pimps a Dutch study that had men attempt a memory game after conversing with an attractive girl. They found that “men’s cognitive functioning may temporarily decline after an interaction with an attractive woman.” I’m waiting for hot ladies to start being forced to wear “do not operate heavy machinery” warnings. []

No Cankles: Ankles – the new male erogenous zone suggests that going sockless with rolled-up pants isn’t just for the beach anymore. “I like the no socks look because it shows off the shoe better,” says the quoted fashionista, only slightly grimacing from the blisters on his heels. [Toronto Star]

Aren’t They Just Fancy Barbers Anyway?: A turf war over shaving would be gripping reading, what with all the insults and claims that there will be blood, if it wasn’t for the fact that the vast majority of men shave themselves. To Texas cosmetologists: if you’re going to start shaving men, at least learn to use a straight razor. We can handle a Mach 3 ourselves. [Austin American-Statesman]

In Other Texas Facial-hair-related News: Judge tosses suit against HPD beard ban describes the civil-rights struggle of a police officer who only wants his Constitutional right to bear stubble. When beards are outlawed, only outlaws will have beards. [Houston Chronicle]

It Had to Come to This: Hans F Hansen Launches “Below Your Belt” Shaving Cream for Men. “BYB only focus on the private part of the man.” Keep it on the same shelf as your face shaving cream, chest shaving cream and armpit shaving cream. [MMD Newswire]

From the Female Outrage Desk: WTF? Unless you’re a drag queen, you guys should not be wearing bronzer! (It’s just freaky) is curious for two reasons: 1) It’s South Florida, possibly the world Metrosexual capital; 2) Being a female columnist, she makes her case by listing the brand names and features of the men’s bronzer we shouldn’t be using. Nevertheless, agreed. [South Florida MetroMix] [[Note: the post has since been deleted—perhaps the columnist retitled it “In My Humble Opinion, Men Should Avoid Bronzers so as Not to Look Unusual.”]]

It’s Just…Well, Something: ‘It’s Just Lunch’ and American Way In Flight Magazine Reveal That When It Comes to Dating, There’s Little Time To Make A Good Impression is a National Singles Week survey that has determined that most people make a judgment on their date’s potential in — wait for it — the time it takes to have lunch. In fact, 21% of women think they’re likely to form their idea of your worthiness within about five minutes. Or will say they did when introducing you to their friends. [Reuters]

Whatever Happened To: Finally, if you like Dave Barry, I have strong scientific evidence that men and women are different is a “classic” Dave Barry column run this week by the NYDN, although I can’t be positive because it doesn’t include the phrase “I am not making this up.” [New York Daily News]

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Beat the High Cost of Razor Blades

September 11, 2009 Grooming

Let’s face it, the cost of cartridge razor blades is criminally high — they’re a cash cow for companies like Gillette and Schick. Guys need them to prevent looking like they’re trying out for the Taliban. While one answer is to learn the art of wet shaving, another would be to find an ingenious means […]

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Gym Basics

August 20, 2009 Health & Fitness

Now you have a solid workout plan, including a warmup and post-exercise strategy. Once in a while you just get outside and do some body-weight exercises — great. But it occurred to me today that I might be leaving something out. Why? Because it happened again. A guy walked out of the showers, soaking wet, […]

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Shaving: A Lost Art?

July 21, 2009 Grooming

While I’m not sure that putting a razor to the man-bits is such a smart idea, there’s a lot to be said for good facial grooming. And some of us are lucky: in a pinch I can grab one of the free disposable face-rippers at the gym, quickly slap some Barbisol on my mug and […]

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Your Day Starts in Your Bathroom (or Hers)

May 5, 2009 Grooming

If you’re like most guys, many of your bathroom habits were formed when you were a kid. Things like whether or not you floss regularly, your use of shampoo, conditioner or (ecch) bar soap on your hair, whether you brush your teeth or shower first, your choice of face soap, et cetera. Of course, time […]

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The Number One Grooming Request

March 25, 2009 Grooming

In speaking to hundreds of women about what they like and dislike in men, the subject of grooming regularly comes up, usually in the form of their pet peeves, such as: “The Uniform” (khakis and a polo shirt, often not ironed). In the Northwest this is often enhanced as “The REI Uniform” (khakis, polo shirt […]

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