Your voice is important to you. To be a good conversationalist, great presenter and marvelous with the ladies, you have to be able to speak smoothly and clearly. But do you need to emote to attract a woman’s attention?
The Archives Of Sexual Behaviour says no. Their study (caution: scientific jargon inside) set up a “dating game” where different men competed for a woman’s affections by speaking both to her and each other, and the recordings were analyzed. The researchers found that men with less “fundamental frequency variation” tended to win the contest.
While the press has jumped on the angle that a “monotone” is the successful technique to attract females, I wouldn’t necessarily head out and start droning at women. Researchers said women also chose celebrities like George Clooney and Clint Eastwood as examples of seductive male voices. The thing is, while these actors don’t use a ton of really high or low variation in their voices, neither do they speak in a monotone. Listen first to Clooney:
Now here’s Clint:
The striking thing about their voices is that it’s actually not a monotone at all: while they don’t use a lot of tone for inflection, they both know how to use their “chest voice” to project, so that changes in tone are controlled and just enough to make the point. And what many of us would convey with tone they convey with pauses and pacing.
In other words, they know how to use their voices dramatically. (Which might explain a big reason both are not only esteemed actors, but also sought for voice-over work.)
If you can learn this, you’ll have a valuable tool to help you attract women from almost the first “hello.” Your stories will be more engaging and your voice itself will become a demonstration of value. You’ll also succeed at a higher level at work, especially if you’re called upon to make presentations. Here are a few tips for starting to whip your voice into shape:
Study recordings like the ones above for examples of inflection and pacing.
Practice speaking, and breathing, from the diaphragm.
Read aloud daily, record it and listen back.
Make sure you’re in a relaxed mode when you speak. Anxiety stresses the voice. If you need to calm yourself before speaking, do.
Practice speaking very quickly, very slowly, and at different pitches.
Practice makes perfect—both Clooney and Eastwood worked hard at it themselves—but the rewards will be worth it. And you’ll avoid being this guy:
One of the most important traits you can have for making this life a good one is resiliency: the ability to take what comes with strength, and act in such a way that moves your life forward.
It’s no secret that I’ve got a man-crush on the Art of Manliness—Brett and Kate McKay use “retrosexual” imagery to highlight timeless themes, including the need for guys to just sack up. However, much of their series on resiliency is about much more than brute force. Inspired by and drawing heavily from the book The Resilience Factor, by Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatte, this is a long series that takes the book’s themes and runs with them, really helping you to reach down to your core beliefs and fears to help improve your life:
Part 1defines resiliency as both an active and reactive quality, one that both helps us bounce back from adversity and prevents us from taking risks and living to the fullest. It’s why you dwell on that ex-girlfriend, or can’t bear to exercise, or won’t apply for that executive position.
Part 2explores “learned helplessness”: situations over which you have no control that subsequently affect you even in situations where you do have control. You’ll also learn your “explanatory style” (how you describe setbacks) and how to dispute the beliefs that hold you back.
Part 3includes my personal favorite motto: “Stop Being a Victim and Take Control of Your Life.” Your problem-solving abilities determine your measure of control, and the heart of your resiliency, and this article explains how to build those skills.
Part 4explains “iceberg beliefs,” which are “fixed and frozen ideas about the world.” When you run into them, they cause damage to your life. Iceberg beliefs can be hard to spot, because they may be disguised as positive beliefs, but accurately identifying them can help you understand the true cause of negative feelings.
Part 5helps guide you through the process of finding your own “signature strengths,” which in turn enable you to base your self-worth on the strengths inside you, and to rely on them to help you find fulfillment.
Part 6covers “catastrophic thinking”: the several small leaps of logic that don’t seem too unbelievable, which together account for a belief that a relatively simple problem will cause chaos and catastrophe. (We see this all the time in politics.) The recommendation for avoiding catastrophic thinking (as well as potential actual catastrophe) is to apply critical-thinking skills to those small leaps, and problem-solving to resolve the initial problem.
That gets us up to date, at least so far—this may be an ongoing series. I recommend that you read it from the beginning: no matter how easy or difficult you believe your life is, there’s something that will improve it here. Do yourself a favor and really absorb this series.
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, by Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatte, this is a long series that takes the book’s themes and runs with them, really helping you to reach down to your core beliefs and fears to help improve your life:
Get Tao of Bachelorhood updates delivered to your inbox, plus newsletters, contests and more! And if you subscribe now you'll get the revised Simple Starter Workout e-book absolutely free!